Divorce or Psychiatric Treatment? A Harried Wife wants a Solution to her Marital Problems

Dear Manish,
Please advice on my case.

1. Married in August 2012. Stayed at In laws place for 6 months when husband left for job to Finland.

2. Mental harassment at In laws place for dowry and projected that Husband salary is not enough for living in Finland.

3. My parents strive hard to send me to Finland through mediation. Finally landed in Finland in Feb hoping for better life. Mother in law accompanied me to Finland by saying she will help me till i adjusted.

4. I came to know that my husband is chain smoker and alcoholic. Mother in law supported his habits. And on top of that she never allowed me to talk to my husband personally. Physical and mental torture for 5 months. I can write 10 pages here.

5. After my repeated requests, my brother came to Finland to get me to India. My brother has to involve local police here to get my passport. They helped me to secure my passport and warned my husband to go to India to solve our family matters.

6. Since July, My father, brother, local relatives trying their best to ask my husband and mother in law to come and settle the issue. All efforts are not yielding any results. They are so stubborn to say that I have no place in this world except his feet.

Few more details:

Education : Postgraduate
Age : 27
Father background : upper middle class
Dowry: 10.5 lacs + 210 gram gold

Everybody in the village knows the fact that my husband family is very crooked minded. My family and me are repenting ourselves for engaging with them.
I want to move away and lead a happy life. Please suggest the best possible way to reverse my situation by getting divorce and dowry back.
Please help me on What options i have now?
1. Filing 498 a , 2. File RCR or 3. File Divorce



Vasudha ji
As a layman I suggest that you can try to apply for divorce in a local court in india on grounds of the cruelty suffered by you. You can get ex-parte divorce if the other party does not appear in court. It is not clear whether you are in India or in Finland because you have used the word 'here' to describe Finland.

If you are in India then you can approach CAW cell for return of gifts/dowry or whatever component is with them, or include this request in your divorce petition to the family court. If you have mediators then you can request for final resolution of the problem with instructions to both spouses to approach the local family court with a mutual consent petition at the earliest possible time.

The husband in your case may have some psychiatric and addiction issues. You can request the court to force him to attend joint counselling with a qualified person to enable both parties to live together in peace with good mental health. Alcohol addiction is sometimes an attempt to fill a void in life as far as I have seen in life.

Manish Udar

Dear Manish ji,
Thank you for quick response. I am in India for past 7 months. He is in Finland and sent a solid message through his relatives that he is not going to visit India for mediation. What petition should i file in court to force my husband to attend counselling in India? What happens if he doesn't obey this?

Thank you


Vasudha ji

You can get a lawyer to send him an email on your behalf suggesting that he should meet a psychiatrist where he lives if he is unhappy in his present situation. This would be a good first step in my humble opinion. The lawyer may further suggest that if psychiatrists in Finland are expensive then he may consider flying to a country where such facilities are available for free or minimal charges.

Nothing threatening should be written at this stage at least, and ideally at no stage. If he takes the advice then the psychiatrist will take over and things should improve for the two of you. You may write the email yourself if you wish to convey that you still wish to give your marriage a fighting chance. It would be really good if the psychiatrist possesses some sort of specialisation in the field of de-addiction.

Family courts have the power to order counselling even without any sort of divorce petition as far as I can make out from a reading of their powers under the Family Courts Act of 1984 (as you may observe from the extract below).


7. Jurisdiction. - (1) Subject to the other provisions of this Act, a Family Court shall- a. have and exercise all the jurisdiction exercisable by any district Court or any subordinate Civil Court under any law for the time being in force in respect of suits and proceedings of the nature referred to in the Explanation; and

b. be deemed, for the purposes of exercising such jurisdiction under such law, to be a district Court or, as the case may be. such subordinate Civil Court for the area to which the jurisdiction of the Family Court extends.

Explanation -The suits and proceedings referred to in this subsection are suits and proceedings of the following nature, namely:

d. a suit or proceeding for an order or injunction in circumstances arising out of a marital relationship;
Manish Udar

Vasudha ji

Avnish Gupta, who is a lawyer has advised that you may file for divorce and then seek counselling at the first hearing. If this does not work, then he advises that you may consider other options.

Manish Udar

Dear Manish ji,
Thank you very much for great help. You are giving me pointers in right direction to save my life.


Published by Manish Udar

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Last updated on 11th December 2013
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