Mental Strength and Emotional Support: A Prerequisite for Success in Marital Litigation
"वक़्त अच्छा भी आएगा नासिर, ग़म न कर ज़िन्दगी पड़ी है अभी" Nasir Kazmi
, Dil Mein Ek Lehar Si Uthi Hai Abhi
1) Do not lose your nerve. Stay healthy and start going for a walk in a park everyday even if you didn't do so earlier. If you cannot walk for long, go for a short walk. Just sit on a park bench if you don't feel like walking, and do some people watching. Don't smoke. At least if you have to smoke then don't inhale the smoke. If you feel that you do not have the emotional strength to work towards improving your physical health, then get help to improve your mental health, your mental strength. At any rate, even if you cannot improve your health, let it not deteriorate. Do not let your litigation push you over the edge of the crevasse into diabetes, obesity, blood pressure, chain-smoking, zero exercise, zero going out, drinking too much, depression, psychosis, etc.
2) Get support from whoever is willing to support you. You do not HAVE to be strong, but you do need a shoulder to cry on, this much is for sure. Try to find support from your friends and family. Is there anyone you can call any time and discuss your problem with? Surely there is someone? Then do so, and do it regularly. Don't show weakness in front of A2 and A3 (your parents!), and do not let them grow weak in spirit, mind or body.
3) Always remember that this too shall pass. Suicide is not a solution, and such a step will hurt the people who truly care about you. DO NOT refuse to seek help if you feel disturbed, confused, demoralised, or stressed out for more than 24 hours at a stretch. Get a glass of beer or a cigarette if you can and you must, but make sure to talk to somebody who you know cares about you. It can be anyone, not necessarily a parent or a member of the opposite sex.
4) Remember that most people you encounter in this fight –men and women– are sympathetic to you. Rejoice in this knowledge if you can, but derive solace from it at any rate.
5) If the litigation drags out over a long period, try to find female companionship if you can, but do it very very carefully, as the laws in our country are totally biased in favour of female accusers if the man they are accusing is not influential. Life gets very lonely without a woman to love you. As Indian men, the overwhelming majority of us are used to living without female companionship, and this is the way we have grown and spent our childhood, our younger days, and –unfortunately in the case of 498a victims– an important portion of our youth also. However, this does not mean that we do not have the right to be happy.
Try to find happiness, and always be polite, but always remember that women do not like weak men. They may like poor men or ugly men or rude men, but not weak men. At the same time remember that the fact that you are going through a rough phase gives no right to –and is no reason for– any female companion, friend or lover to mistreat you.
6) Be bold. Play mind games with the aggressor. Watch her every move but do not let her think that you are doing so. Note everything. React at an appropriate time and place. Don't call the aggressor unless your lawyer advises you to do so. Ignore her totally as if she does not exist. Let her feel your total unconcern for her very existence. Never get provoked if she shouts or talks nonsense. Remember that passive mental disintegration can work very well on such women.
Good luck in your fight brother. You're the man. You may not see it, but this is your moment. Stay strong, and show them what you're made of. Maleness is indeed the acme of His Work. Reach it.
You may also wish to read "Why is this happening to me?" and/or "I am Unhappy Because My Wife Dumped Me and She Is Happy" and/or Letter to a 498a Wife and/or Why is Marriage Considered to be Such a Great Thing?
Written by Manish Udar
Published by Manish Udar
Page created on 15th July 2013
Last updated on 12th January 2015