Questions for a 498a Wife
Copy to: Investigating Officer, Nanakpura Police Station
Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt that you need to do your work and other activities first, and then organize to spend "quality" time with your partner? And he waited for you patiently or unwillingly every time or almost every time until the relationship collapsed. Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner felt that he needed to do his work and other activities first, and then organize to spend "quality" time with you? And you waited for him patiently or unwillingly every time or almost every time until the relationship collapsed. Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been in a marriage where both you and your partner started out with clean intentions, but the marriage ended in a shambles? Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever married a man with whom you were not ready to have kids at the very beginning of the marriage? Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been married to a man who was not ready to have kids with you at the very beginning of the marriage? Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you even been in a relationship where you started out by calling your partner on the telephone sometimes, and he reciprocated the frequency (and perhaps the duration) of your telephone calls, but the relationship ended with a situation where one party was doing most of the calling, and the other party was ignoring the first party? Perhaps even elders or the police had to be called in? Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you attempted to have a stable relationship with a man who was not in your town, was much more richer than you or of a very higher social status than you, or was socially not available, or mentally not prepared, to have a stable or long-lasting relationship with you? And the relationship did not complete you. Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who was of a "socially" or economically unacceptable status to some people in your family, but you accepted him, only to reject him later, before the relationship could bear fruit? Is this a recurring pattern?
Have you ever been in a relationship with a man when you were socially not available, or mentally not ready, to have a stable and long-lasting relationship with him? And the relationship ended in a shambles. Is this a recurring pattern?
Are you currently in a relationship with any man who is not your husband? Has such a thing happened before?
SECOND HALF OF THIS QUESTION IS OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE. Have you never experienced a shortage of admirers? Simultaneously, has the desired man almost always been the one who said "no" or "I am not sure", and sometimes kept on saying so for prolonged periods?
MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION. THIS IS THE AFFIRMATION OF EVERYTHING I AM WRITING ABOUT HERE. Did you ever maintain or start or attempt to start a relationship with any second man when you had not declared to the first man that your relationship with him was finished for all practical purposes? Here the key is that it is not important whether the first man caught on to you or started suspecting you, but what is important is that you did not declare your intention to him before or after he started suspecting you or before you
realised that he had caught on to you. Have you ever cuckolded one or both (or more than two) men, to put it in simpler language? IS THIS A RECURRING PATTERN, XXXXXX XXXXX?
THIS IS EQUALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION Have you ever started or attempted to continue a relationship with a man after you had discovered, through intuition or logical reasoning or via a declaration made by him, that he was not ready to be with you forever, or that he had another simultaneous ongoing relationship? Has this been a recurring pattern over the years?
I know that the person you respect the most, who is considered a human avatar of Lord (oldest deity) by some people in your circle (perhaps even by you), the man you and tens of thousands of people call Xxxxji, who is not on this planet anymore, said many times that "If you can do something good for someone, do it. If you cannot do something good for someone, don't do it. But never harm anyone." In spite of the foregoing statement made by the man you admire most, are you unable to imagine yourself and your family in the same situation where I and my parents have been put by you? And you wish to do your best to see us locked up for many years if we don't give you 30 lakh rupees? You have no empathy for people who are socially closest to you or related to you? Is this a recurring pattern?
Were you ever the victim of sexual abuse as a child? Did you ever have a relationship with a man who had been a victim of childhood sexual abuse?
Were you ever in a situation for a prolonged period where one of your parents had an angry nature, and the other parent used to suffer? OR you had an absentee parent?
Do you often feel that you need to keep yourself busy and occupied, right from waking up to falling asleep, failing which you would go bonkers?
Do you often engage in at least one of the following? drive recklessly OR ask the driver to drive recklessly, engage in unsafe sex, abuse alcohol or drugs, binge eat, eat too little, indulge in shoplifting or extortion, gamble, or spend money recklessly.
Do you sometimes get lost in your thoughts while talking to somebody? Does this happen more frequently when you are at the cusp of failure in a relationship?
Do you often feel that you idealize others, especially when you first meet them, and you share your secrets with them. But then you feel later that these same people don't care enough and aren't there enough for you? I am not talking about just romantic relationships here. Is this change in attitude sometimes triggered by just one event?
Are you sometimes very angry, extremely sarcastic or bitter, and feel that you have a hard time controlling your anger?
Are you currently experiencing problems impacting your ability to go to school, work, be with friends or family, or have a normal marriage or romantic relationship?
Have you ever engaged in self-mutilating, self-harm, or suicidal behaviours, gestures or threats?
Do you sometimes completely change your life goals or values or career focus?
Are you often afraid that others will abandon or leave you? And you make frantic efforts to avoid this abandonment (even when it's not real)?
Does your mood shift between extreme periods of anxiety, depression or irritability in just a few hours or days?
Can your views of others -- especially those you care about -- shift dramatically and without any warning?
Would you say that most of your romantic relationships have been very intense -- but not very stable?
Did you go through a period of turmoil when you decided to dump me? Was your suffering aggravated by my apparent nonchalance?
Do you firmly believe that it is a cardinal mistake to say "I love you" to the man you are in a relationship with? OR Do you firmly believe that it is a cardinal mistake to say "I love you" to the man you are in a relationship with before he says "I love you"? Has your experience in romance validated the truth of this belief?
Did you dump me because I was no longer a challenge for you? Did you marry me without trying to meet me a few times because you were afraid I would back out?
Did you ever voluntarily make simultaneous attempts for arranged marriage and love marriage?
Did you ever say to your partner that you need "space" or that you want to spend some time apart? Is this a recurring pattern?
Do you often want to have the man who is most in-demand in a particular social circle, and want him to be yours exclusively?
If the above questions have set many bells ringing in your mind, if this reads like the story of your life, you need medical help to help you achieve success in your next marriage. (note to reader: the prognosis for personality disorders is not good, and absurdly dismal in NPD and AsPD)
Time to move on. The sooner you find an honest man willing to love you, the longer the happy phase of your life, and the older your children will be when you die. The beginning of your journey is entirely in your hands Xxxxxx, God willing.
Stop trying to milk a dead animal which you have killed yourself.
Grow up and save yourself thereby. Make two men and three families happy, as soon as legally possible, with some help from God.
Wanting to be your ex-husband
Assoc. Prof. Manish Udar
You may wish to read an article about false accusations made by a narcissistic wife and/or another article about signs that your marriage is over and/or an article about how to deal with getting dumped by your narcissistic wife.